My Thoughts

My thoughts as of late have been a lot about finding out more about myself. How well do I really know myself? The more I think about it the more confused I get. At times I feel incredibly confident and outgoing, other times I feel terribly self conscious, out of touch, and find it difficult to strike up a decent conversation with a neighbor I run into down the street. Sometimes I have motivation, ambition and a desire to learn about politics, issues in the world or anything to help me feel like I know more than how to do laundry and change diapers. Other times I am content with the limited knowledge that I have. Sometimes I get down on myself for not being confident enough, talented enough, witty, enough, educated enough, or funny enough. Other times I feel on top of the world when I am able to teach my three year old to crack the eggs and sing a primary song, when I can read a story book, do all the voices and see their faces light up, when I can do a ridiculous dance and make them laugh hysterically. I have been having a hard time lately really defining myself and weighing my self worth, and I realized that I have been trying to determine my worth by comparing myself to what the world would consider an "accomplished" woman. If I keep doing that, I am sad to say I will come out under par every time. I was reading a talk by Julie B Beck (stinkin love her) and she said this in her talk titled:

“And upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit”

"Good women always have a desire to know if they are succeeding. In a world where the measures of success are often distorted, it is important to seek appreciation and affirmation from proper sources. To paraphrase a list found in Preach My Gospel, we are doing well when we develop attributes of Christ and strive to obey His gospel with exactness. We are doing well when we seek to improve ourselves and do our best. We are doing well when we increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek out and help others who are in need. We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us. Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly."

After reading that I came to realize that I hadn't been measuring my success properly. I may not have the all the education in the world, the talents to receive praised, the power of speech to influence people, or anything that truly stands out to those around me. But I can say what I do have. I have an unwavering testimony of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and in His gospel. I have a love for my husband and children that no mother can top and the assurance that I am doing my very best to create a home where the spirit can dwell, where I can teach my children to be like their Savior and the knowledge that we can be a family forever!

I am so thankful for the mouthpieces of the Lord to help guide and direct us.